This is so true... I started this blog many years ago with great intentions of daily journaling. What can I say? Life got in the way! SO much has happened and changed since I started this blog. Births, deaths, serious illness, surgeries, graduations, weddings, you name it, it's happened. Maybe I will backtrack along the way and fill you in on some of these lifechanging events, but for now, today is the first day of the rest of this blog. (I know... very cliche.)

As I write this, I'm not feeling as "Glam" as I used to, but I'm working on that, and though I haven't won this ongoing war with myself, I have definitely won some personal battles. 

I'm trying to feel beautiful again inside and out, and accept the changes that occur over time and circumstance. I want to be positive and spread that positivity to others but, it has to start from within. I was challenged to post a photo of myself without any make up. Talk about scary! But, after taking the selfie, I realized that this is the face that stares back at me everyday in the mirror, and I am really Ok with it.

Would I rather not have the brown spots that are appearing at random locations on my face? Absolutely! But, I'm grateful that the skin cancer that I had is completely gone after surgery and my face wasn't horribly disfigured in the process.

Would I love a special roller that could smooth out the fine lines and large pores that I've developed over the years? Yes! But, in all honesty... I've earned every one of those lines, spots and wrinkles. They are a road map of my life thus far. They are a part of who I am.

Do I miss my naturally thick and long lashes? Of course I do, but I'm more thankful that I have any lashes at all. For a period of time, I lost every last one of my lashes pretty much overnight, due to illness and medications. Now, I'm I'm growing darker thicker lashes as a side effect of the drops I have to place in my eyes each night. (Sometimes there are perks to really sucky things.)

When I had to start wearing "cheaters" for reading, it really bothered me. I didn't take a single photo of myself in glasses. As a matter of fact, I made a point of always taking them off before any picture of me was taken. So, as another "stepping out of my boundaries" move, I recently took the above selfie. Guess what?.... I discovered that I kind of like the way I look in glasses. Who'd of thunk?!

I believe I'm on a positive road to liking myself from my shoulders up. Now it's time to fight the battle ahead of me from the shoulders down. This war will be a bit harder than the last, as my body has changed so much. I'm 40 pounds heavier, scarred, lumpy and bumpy in all the wrong places... I am however bound and determined to win this war too, one battle at a time.

My first step towards this accomplishment was a tough one....Wearing a bathing suit not only publicly, but in front of my son's new in-laws and friends, my ex-husband, AND his tall thin wife. But you know who I was most embarrassed to expose myself too? My wonderful husband!!! How awful and sad it is to feel this way... I hate it and he absolutely HATES that I feel this way about myself. He is the most supportive loving man I could possibly have. He adores me with or without all my lumps and bumps and it makes him very sad (and mad) that I feel this way about myself.

So, I promised him, and more importantly myself, that I wouldn't let my insecurities ruin our day at the beach and I didn't! This was a huge step for me. It was so liberating!! I won't lie and say I didn't initially feel totally insecure, embarrassed, humiliated at first. But, I quickly got over it for that day that I wanted to share with my family. I don't want to waste any more moments, hours, days on body shaming myself. Life is just too short. I refuse!!!

Glad to be back, love to you all!