My "GLAMOUR" Us Life

Thursday, May 27, 2021

My "GLAMOUR" Us Life: "What Age were you when you stopped trying and did...

My "GLAMOUR" Us Life: "What Age were you when you stopped trying and did...: "What Age were you when you stopped trying and didn't care what people think about your looks anymore?" Yep. Someone actua...

Wednesday, August 29, 2018

18 Years Gone by...

This was the first time in 18 years that I let the anniversary of Janine's passing go by without posting about it publicly. Instead, I privately mourned, I cried, I reminisced, I laughed, and I prayed as I always allow myself to do this time of year, every year. The reason for my decision at the time was that I felt that I may be hurting others by remembering so publicly. Would it make her son and husband she left behind too sad? Would it make Lynn who has raised Jacob as her own and is a wonderful spouse and partner to Paul, feel uncomfortable? I didn't want to disrespect them and the beautiful life they have built together. I am so grateful that the 3 of them had found such happiness and love together. It is truly what Janine wanted.

But now... I feel awful because Janine deserves to be remembered, acknowledged and celebrated! She was a bright light in my life, even during my darkest hours, and I in hers. She was, and still remains my best friend and soul sister. Nothing will ever change that, including time.

My heart aches, but my face smiles remembering you.

Monday, April 3, 2017

"What Age were you when you stopped trying and didn't care what people think about your looks anymore?"

Yep. Someone actually asked me that question a little while back. It wasn't a generalized question. It was definitely being asked of me, in the past tense, as if this has already taken place. It was someone I consider a friend and I have to say... It knocked the wind right out of my sails momentarily. I was a bit shocked, hurt, and suddenly VERY self conscious. My response was a very polite "I don't know. I'm not there yet."

In their defense, my appearance has changed and I have put on a considerable amount of weight over the past few years. But, I've never "stopped trying" and I'd be lying if I said that I don't care what others think about my appearance... I do! But, mostly it is because it makes ME feel good when I look good.

Do I look like I walked off the runway every day? No. But, I've always prided myself as being fashionable and somewhat put together. I haven't succumbed to sweats and baseball caps on a daily basis, nor do I wear moo moos, polyester stretch pants or house coats. I love to wear make up and do my hair in different styles, and I love dabbling in the latest trends in fashion.

Does the cute pair of jeans and a top fit in the same way it used to? Nope. But it doesn't mean I'm not trying. I would love to go back to being able to walk into my closet and put on anything in there, knowing it would fit and look good on me without giving it another thought. Life was SO much easier back then!

The reality is... I've gone through some serious physical shit in the past few years and it impacted pretty much every system in my body from head to toe. I'm working real hard to get back to a place that I am first and foremost healthy, but also comfortable in my own skin and feeling like "Me" again.

To the person that posed the above question... I hope to never find out.

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

This is so true... I started this blog many years ago with great intentions of daily journaling. What can I say? Life got in the way! SO much has happened and changed since I started this blog. Births, deaths, serious illness, surgeries, graduations, weddings, you name it, it's happened. Maybe I will backtrack along the way and fill you in on some of these lifechanging events, but for now, today is the first day of the rest of this blog. (I know... very cliche.)

As I write this, I'm not feeling as "Glam" as I used to, but I'm working on that, and though I haven't won this ongoing war with myself, I have definitely won some personal battles.

I'm trying to feel beautiful again inside and out, and accept the changes that occur over time and circumstance. I want to be positive and spread that positivity to others but, it has to start from within. I was challenged to post a photo of myself without any make up. Talk about scary! But, after taking the selfie, I realized that this is the face that stares back at me everyday in the mirror, and I am really Ok with it.

Would I rather not have the brown spots that are appearing at random locations on my face? Absolutely! But, I'm grateful that the skin cancer that I had is completely gone after surgery and my face wasn't horribly disfigured in the process.

Would I love a special roller that could smooth out the fine lines and large pores that I've developed over the years? Yes! But, in all honesty... I've earned every one of those lines, spots and wrinkles. They are a road map of my life thus far. They are a part of who I am.

Do I miss my naturally thick and long lashes? Of course I do, but I'm more thankful that I have any lashes at all. For a period of time, I lost every last one of my lashes pretty much overnight, due to illness and medications. Now, I'm I'm growing darker thicker lashes as a side effect of the drops I have to place in my eyes each night. (Sometimes there are perks to really sucky things.)

When I had to start wearing "cheaters" for reading, it really bothered me. I didn't take a single photo of myself in glasses. As a matter of fact, I made a point of always taking them off before any picture of me was taken. So, as another "stepping out of my boundaries" move, I recently took the above selfie. Guess what?.... I discovered that I kind of like the way I look in glasses. Who'd of thunk?!

I believe I'm on a positive road to liking myself from my shoulders up. Now it's time to fight the battle ahead of me from the shoulders down. This war will be a bit harder than the last, as my body has changed so much. I'm 40 pounds heavier, scarred, lumpy and bumpy in all the wrong places... I am however bound and determined to win this war too, one battle at a time.

My first step towards this accomplishment was a tough one....Wearing a bathing suit not only publicly, but in front of my son's new in-laws and friends, my ex-husband, AND his tall thin wife. But you know who I was most embarrassed to expose myself too? My wonderful husband!!! How awful and sad it is to feel this way... I hate it and he absolutely HATES that I feel this way about myself. He is the most supportive loving man I could possibly have. He adores me with or without all my lumps and bumps and it makes him very sad (and mad) that I feel this way about myself.

So, I promised him, and more importantly myself, that I wouldn't let my insecurities ruin our day at the beach and I didn't! This was a huge step for me. It was so liberating!! I won't lie and say I didn't initially feel totally insecure, embarrassed, humiliated at first. But, I quickly got over it for that day that I wanted to share with my family. I don't want to waste any more moments, hours, days on body shaming myself. Life is just too short. I refuse!!!

Glad to be back, love to you all!